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LEEK MY TATER SOUP
Nothing can top a good leeking. Pull your mind out of the gutter because I speak only of soup and soup-related matters. And on the subject of soup, you can’t really beat hot liquid love. No, siree!...
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ORAL TATER-SPLOSIONS
These potatoes are not unlike Inspector Gadget’s self-destructing mission assignments. But instead of them blowing up and you get saliva across your face instead of soot. These bad boys pack a...
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PORTOBELLO BORDELLO
Some food has the power to transform a good day into a great day. We’ve all experienced a meal so freaking amazing that we talk about it years, sometimes decades later. Don’t get me started on this...
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ROAST THE CHOKE, BLOKES!
It’s a damn shame how many people fear the artichoke. On the surface, it’s an intimidating vegetable. The spiky leaves that could kill a man certainly don’t help. Neither does the complicated center...
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TOTALLY SWEET POTATO FRIES
Dude! Did you see that ollie Mctwist I pulled over the rails? Totally sweet! Did you see how I walked right up to that blonde and got her number? Totally sweet! Did I mention I was able to Cook To...
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DREAMY STEAMY FISH
This fish is as dreamy as a 1950’s teen hearthrob. All the girls in poodle skirts want a chance to go to the drive-in with this Indonesian delight. It’s so dreamy, so steamy, so extremey! There’s a do...
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PANTY PLUNDER CUCUMBER SALAD
Arrr! Ahoy, maties! I spot a hard body off the starboard bow! Land ho (or was that hos?)! We shall not rest until we collect all the doubloons in their pantaloons. Plunder everything you can before we...
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RICE PUDDING POONTANG
Rice pudding is comfort food. Comfort = connection. Connection= banging. You can’t argue with sound logic. Granted, rice pudding isn’t as sexy as a chocolate soufflé or crème brule. But it warms...
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PLANTAIN CHIP PARTY TRAIN
All aboard! This party train is headed for your Caribbean culinary connection. Expect steel drums, tropical breezes and dreadlocks. When you aren’t shaking your booty to some live reggae, you can...
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HOT DUMB BLONDIES
My apologies to any of my fair-headed readers who take offense to this post. I don’t assume all blondes are morons with difficulty pushing open doors that are clearly marked PULL. Just the majority I...
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THEIR LOSS GRILLED SQUASH
The way I look at it, anyone foolish enough to turn me down for sex is only punishing themselves. They will spend the rest of their lives wondering “what if?” while hearing field reports from their...
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ME-NUDE-OH! SHRIMP
What’s the first thing you think of when I say MENUDO? You probably are thinking about a crappy Latin boy band from the 80’s. This is truly unfortunate. You are letting outdated pop culture...
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TOMATILLOS PARA MIS AMIGOS BENEFICIOS
Title translation: “Tomatillos for my friends with benefits”. Cook To Bang firmly stands behind our willingness to reach out and touch the sexy people of all nations and languages. I’m not only a...
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TEQUILA LIME RHYME TIME PASTA
Ever just start speaking in rhymes? Happens at the most inconvenient times? Dr. Seuss crawled down your throat? Like someone’s always getting your goat? Bust out some tangy lime and tequila Your date...
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IT’S SO FIG! SHRIMP
After you CTB for a while, you get immune to the awe-inspired praise. Deliver the two primal pleasures in large quantities and you will have them brainwashed. Wielding the culinary seduction skills of...
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EGG MCHIPPIE
The dirty longhairs have taken over breakfast! At least one that I picked up at a summer concert did. Mind you, she was a hot young not-yet-jaded hippie, but a hippie all the same. The previous night...
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BEGGIN’ FOR BACON WRAPPED SCALLOPS
Culinary seduction is a delicate dance. One can never seem too eager or lackadaisical. Walk the tightrope. It’s all about putting as much passion into your cooking as you do into your banging. Like...
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BURRATA GOTTA LOTTA PEPPERS
Some things in life just belong together. Dog and bone; man and woman; anal sex and lube. The sum is way more awesome than the parts. Can you imagine the Olympics without the ski and snowboard events?...
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BUTTER-MY-NUTS SQUASH SOUP
Cook To Bang is nothing without its readership. If a recipe helps someone bang in the woods and no one is there to film it, does it make a moaning sound? I’ll leave that to the philosophers far wiser...
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BANGSGIVING: CREAM IN YOUR PANTS SPINACH
I suggest bringing a change of underwear for this one. Decadent doesn’t begin to describe this supernova of creaminess found in this holiday side dish. Don’t feel too embarrassed by your “accident”...
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